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Friday, 24 October 2014

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Opinion & columns

A dirty word, dump. It’s a multi-barrier geological engineered containment facility

It seems I’m in bother. No, sorry. Nothing seeming about it. I’m in trouble deep. Bad language is my crime. Not something ladies of a certain age and standing enjoy admitting.

Last updated 25 January 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Back your local butcher for a horse-free burger

So, there he was having a quick lunch in a Tesco cafe, when the waitress asked him if he would like anything on his burger.

Last updated 18 January 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Hillsborough shame too late for Gerard

Gerard Baron was branded a thief and a drunken hooligan when he died 23 years ago at a football match – a victim of the Hillsborough stadium disaster.

Last updated 14 January 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Nothing like a good ticking-off for self-confidence

In case you didn’t know it, this week started with the most adulterous day of the year. If you’d had no idea, there’s no point in even considering it now – because you’ve missed it.

Last updated 11 January 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Don’t worry, it will be over soon. Enjoy your Pringles

Two chocolate Santas, four mince pies, half a box of Quality Street – it’s not going terribly well. Diet wise. In fact it’s beginning to look a lot like a guilt trip.

Last updated 21 December 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

We’re friends now, but I thought I’d killed cyclist Jim

This is the story of Jim on the bike. And me. We’re friends now – but it could have been very different. Jim fell at my feet – well, in front of my wheels actually – sprawled spectacularly, legs akimbo, on a pitch black early morning of freezing fog and icy roads.

Last updated 14 December 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Father Christmas land full of fear, lies and loathing

Young Charlotte has just been told there’s no Father Christmas – which, as we all know, is a vicious and outrageous falsehood.

Last updated 7 December 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Surprisingly, I don’t manage surprises very well

It was a rude awakening – on a Saturday morning after the Friday night before. There should have been no disturbances beyond birdsong, drifting in gently through an open bedroom window. Soothing chirps and whistles from garden trees. And the distant, quarter-hour chimes from St Martin’s.

Last updated 30 November 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Put away the sausage, Angela isn’t coming for tea

Rumour had it for a while that Cumbria would host the leaders of eight of the world’s most powerful nations for a little lakeside jolly next year.

Last updated 23 November 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Laura, what a fine example of why people matter first

It’s the bunions that make the difference – to a young fashionista hairdresser, at the cutting edge of style... couldn’t resist that pun.

Last updated 16 November 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I want a peaceful Christmas - get me out of here!

It’s beginning to look a lot like madness... know what I mean? Bonfire Night – always the depressing watershed – has passed. Predictable. Inevitable. Please pause here to allow a deep, bosom-heaving sigh.

Last updated 9 November 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Switch on the Northern Lights, we’ll deal with the rest

It’s not often I’m given cause to count my blessings and find I have more than Joanna Lumley. Smug – and happily so. No other word for it. Not so posh, not so old, not so anxious for another Ab Fab Christmas special to put a turkey on the table, not so bound up by all that bothersome London stuff. And then there’s the bother of travel.

Last updated 12 October 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

A proud salute to all the achievers

Learning is its own rich reward – and if we can commit to that truth, at any point in life, we will have achieved something special. But to appreciate the full value and joy of learning, acknowledgement and celebration of all its forms and possibilities is necessary.

Last updated 5 October 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Stuff the mushrooms, I’m staying loyal to my butcher

I’m no Delia. With long dark wig, sticky lip gloss and breast implants, I’d never be mistaken for Nigella either... not even on one of her fat days.

Last updated 5 October 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Our turbines issue needs tackling

Putting his cards firmly on the table, Eddie Martin has shown strongest possible opposition to more windfarms in Cumbria.

Last updated 28 September 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Skinny dipping for charity? Just put your money in a tin

In a conspiratorial whisper, she made me promise never to reveal her secret to her daughter. Goodness knows why – she was going to reveal everything else to all and sundry, without a qualm.

Last updated 28 September 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Let’s hope council leader’s optimism is right

Applying the keep calm and carry on principle, county council leader Eddie Martin believes predictions of wholesale school closures are wide of the mark.

Last updated 21 September 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Sophie an inspiration

WHO’S a clever girl, then? No need to search too far to find the answer to that. Just take a look at Sophie Stewart’s bright, beaming smile. Three years old and already a member of Mensa, her IQ rates alongside that of the top two per cent in the country.

Last updated 14 September 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

A host of golden daffodils, too many to tweet about

I wonder if William ever stopped to ask his sister Dorothy: “Hey, Dot – how much do you reckon a word’s worth?” He being a master of poetic artistry and she his constant, as close – some say too close – support and encourager, both must have had a passion for language.

Last updated 14 September 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Once you get the right bra, everything falls into place

The last time it happened, I was nine and it made me cry. Things have changed a bit since then. Before going any further, I should, for reasons of safety and decorum, advise men of nervous or smutty disposition to look away. Turn to the sports pages, perhaps. Go put the kettle on.

Last updated 31 August 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

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