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Friday, 31 October 2014

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Opinion & columns

I'll join the broadband party when my phone works

Unbeatable as it undoubtedly is, living in Cumbria is not without its challenges.

Last updated 14 June 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I welcome the sun’s return but I’ll be missing Gerald

Cumberland Show weekend and – whisper it ever so quietly with breath that is bated – it’s looking like the sun might shine.

Last updated 7 June 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Route 66 now runs all way from Yorkshire to Cumbria

We did Carlisle Music City. By accident. In the rain. And that was when the penny dropped with a decisive clatter.

Last updated 31 May 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’d rather have a yoghurt than a commissioner

The week started on a silly note – which is always fun. A giggly little interlude brought about by a generously offered choice that was actually no choice at all.

Last updated 24 May 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’d rather have a yoghurt than a police commissioner

The week started on a silly note – which is always fun. A giggly little interlude brought about by a generously offered choice that was actually no choice at all.

Last updated 24 May 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

This language barrier needs fixed before I trip again

Words are tricky little blighters. You learn that early in this line of work. They’re forever lying in wait to ambush the unsuspecting – or should that be for ever? See? Fiendish devils, words.

Last updated 10 May 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I will not be influenced by kisses on the bottom

This week I was the happy recipient of kisses on the bottom. And not wishing to be boastful in any way, I reckon it’s a fair bet not everybody can say that.

Last updated 26 April 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Why I kidnapped Tony Blair and lied to David Cameron

I once kidnapped Tony Blair. Funny how you remember these things right out of the blue. Not that he was ever blue – not royal or navy blue anyway. In fact, on the day of his abduction, he’d looked decidedly pinkish – whether from anger, horror or embarrassment was hard to tell.

Last updated 19 April 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

It seems I’m ill as I’m no longer angry with Maggie

This would have been a good week for anyone considering a career change or entrepreneurial launch into anger management services.

Last updated 12 April 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Your pond life is no match to majesty of our lakes

There’s a school of thought held by charitable types, church people and other assorted kindly folks, that if you’re blessed with good fortune you should share it willingly. (2 comments)

Last updated 5 April 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Even beer drinkers won’t raise a glass to this Budget

My old friend Phil has been adjusting his household accounts. Budgeting, you might say – should you feel like being topical.

Last updated 22 March 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Even beer drinkers won’t raise a glass to this Budget

My old friend Phil has been adjusting his household accounts. Budgeting, you might say – should you feel like being topical.

Last updated 22 March 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Please excuse my ignorance, but I don’t use public toilets

It was news to me. And for obvious reasons I’m partial to a bit of news – particularly the smiley kind. There is, it turns out, an august and busy body (as opposed to busy-body) called the British Toilet Association. Who’d have thunk it?

Last updated 15 March 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Excuse my ignorance, but I don’t use public toilets

It was news to me. And for obvious reasons I’m partial to a bit of news – particularly the smiley kind. There is, it turns out, an august and busy body (as opposed to busy-body) called the British Toilet Association. Who’d have thunk it?

Last updated 15 March 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Happy Mother’s Day, Mum and thanks for still caring

It was no more than idle chit-chat really. Mother and daughter telephone stuff, We do hours and hours of it. “So what else is new?”

Last updated 8 March 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Spring is in the air so tuck into a pie and enjoy both

What was it we kids used to have to say for luck on March 1? Rabbits? March hares? Bunny jumps? Thank goodness freezing February’s finally out of the way?

Last updated 1 March 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’m happy for Conrad Atkinson to be my own guilty pleasure

Guilty pleasures. We all have them. Some more than others – I more than most. Ludicrously expensive handbags, crippling shoes – the higher the better – ice cream, sticky toffee pudding, oven chips... though not together on the same plate.

Last updated 14 January 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

It was too easy to be distracted from flagpole duties

It started with the odd little low-toned murmuring of well- intentioned assistance. A few whispered twinings from the anxious to be helpful.

Last updated 15 February 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Too easy to be distracted from flagpole duties

It started with the odd little low-toned murmuring of well intentioned assistance. A few whispered twinings from the anxious to be helpful.

Last updated 15 February 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

King Richard is ours, so bring him home now please

Home is always where the heart is. Not where the horse falls nor in the council car park under which the bones lie. It’s the place that makes the soul sing.

Last updated 8 February 2013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

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