Sunday, 30 August 2015

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Opinion & columns

I hate name-droppers. Did I mention Wiggo’s in town?

Can’t be doing with name-droppers. I was only saying as much to the Princess Royal, when she dropped by the other week.

Last updated 21 August 2015
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Let’s celebrate Can’t Be Bothered With Special Days Day

Good days, bad days, could have been worse but my feet are killing me days. Believe it or not, somebody has done research into all of them.

Last updated 7 August 2015
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Country life to be heavily vetted to suit saucier tastes

They’re going to sex-up All Creatures Great and Small. And if that doesn’t boggle the imagination’s limits of endurance, goodness knows what will.

Last updated 31 July 2015
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Seagulls know there’s nothing we can do about them

Clever little blighters, those seagulls. Correction – clever big blighters. There’s nothing bird-brained or miniature about Cumbria’s seasonal pests.

Last updated 24 July 2015
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Paying price for playing fast and loose with speed limit

I’m not complaining. Please try to remember that. Though you can’t see it, there’s actually a generous, if humiliated, smile on my face.

Last updated 17 July 2015
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Nothing fishy about me being off. Actually, there was

We don’t do summer very well, do we? Dig deeply into your inner self and you’ll surely agree – albeit secretly – we northerners are a lot happier when mercury’s falling.

Last updated 3 July 2015
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Whistle while you twerk and then adopt FLOTUS position

Done much twerking lately? Me neither. Probably never have, come to think if it – but that’s not entirely surprising.

Last updated 26 June 2015
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All this fear over work breaks is just a storm in a teacup

As a performance- enhancing drug, there’s none finer – a fact many a naughtily nefarious athlete might do well to recognise.

Last updated 19 June 2015
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Not very Nobel behaviour by the professor

Oh dear. What a tangled web is woven when a clever man lets his misogyny slip.

Last updated 12 June 2015
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Behind social media persona we’re essentially the same

A lot changes over 200 years – which is actually a stupid statement because, when you think about it, not much changes at all.

Last updated 5 June 2015
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We should direct some of our puppy love elsewhere

It was a sad story. Sad enough to bring an instant prickling tear to the eye – but it could have been a whole lot worse.

Last updated 29 May 2015
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Cinderella would have been better off dancing in Dr Martens

Festival footwear. Brace yourselves, girls... it’s a feminist issue.

Last updated 22 May 2015
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Worth going Dutch for a bit if Top Guns land in local

It was an unwelcome rude awakening when, at silly-o-clock in the morning, a Chinook helicopter circled the skies above sleepy heads – long before bedside alarms had kicked in.

Last updated 15 May 2015
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There’s something appealing about horizontal rain

The sun came out on Tuesday. Not long enough for a leg wax in garden-body preparation – but it did make an appearance between downpours.

Last updated 10 May 2015
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Spoilsport doctors’ advice is just not cricket, or rugby

Well now, here’s a fine kettle of muddy prop forwards. Rugby, in both of its proud disciplines, can be seriously damaging to your children’s health.

Last updated 1 May 2015
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There are advantages to being downwardly mobile

Panic stations in Carlisle – and thereabouts. Mysterious mobile malfunctions are sending all kinds of folks into a fluster of fluff, feathers and unrepeatable expletives.

Last updated 24 April 2015
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Stage management rules in an election campaign

Twas on a Tuesday afternoon the Chancellor came to call – fashionably late, as so many A-list celebs often are.

Last updated 17 April 2015
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Muddy boys will be boys. And so will girls

Man in mud photo Mud, glorious mud. It’s an acquired taste those of us of a certain age tend to associate with young boys – the naughty kind – and their smelly dogs.

Last updated 10 April 2015
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Politicians behaving nicely? It’s the purdah thing

The sky hasn’t fallen in yet. The heavens have opened a few times and Noah has put in his Easter DIY order with Homebase but, remarkably, most of us are getting along just fine.

Last updated 4 April 2015
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Unfriendly and introverted? What, us? On yer bike!

Should anybody ask, you didn’t hear this from me... don’t believe everything you read in the papers.

Last updated 27 March 2015
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Should organ donation opt-in be automatic?



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