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Wednesday, 01 July 2015

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Opinion & columns

Whistle while you twerk and then adopt FLOTUS position

Done much twerking lately? Me neither. Probably never have, come to think if it – but that’s not entirely surprising.

Last updated 26 June 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

All this fear over work breaks is just a storm in a teacup

As a performance- enhancing drug, there’s none finer – a fact many a naughtily nefarious athlete might do well to recognise.

Last updated 19 June 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Not very Nobel behaviour by the professor

Oh dear. What a tangled web is woven when a clever man lets his misogyny slip.

Last updated 12 June 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Behind social media persona we’re essentially the same

A lot changes over 200 years – which is actually a stupid statement because, when you think about it, not much changes at all.

Last updated 5 June 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

We should direct some of our puppy love elsewhere

It was a sad story. Sad enough to bring an instant prickling tear to the eye – but it could have been a whole lot worse.

Last updated 29 May 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Cinderella would have been better off dancing in Dr Martens

Festival footwear. Brace yourselves, girls... it’s a feminist issue.

Last updated 22 May 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Worth going Dutch for a bit if Top Guns land in local

It was an unwelcome rude awakening when, at silly-o-clock in the morning, a Chinook helicopter circled the skies above sleepy heads – long before bedside alarms had kicked in.

Last updated 15 May 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

There’s something appealing about horizontal rain

The sun came out on Tuesday. Not long enough for a leg wax in garden-body preparation – but it did make an appearance between downpours.

Last updated 10 May 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Spoilsport doctors’ advice is just not cricket, or rugby

Well now, here’s a fine kettle of muddy prop forwards. Rugby, in both of its proud disciplines, can be seriously damaging to your children’s health.

Last updated 1 May 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

There are advantages to being downwardly mobile

Panic stations in Carlisle – and thereabouts. Mysterious mobile malfunctions are sending all kinds of folks into a fluster of fluff, feathers and unrepeatable expletives.

Last updated 24 April 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Stage management rules in an election campaign

Twas on a Tuesday afternoon the Chancellor came to call – fashionably late, as so many A-list celebs often are.

Last updated 17 April 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Muddy boys will be boys. And so will girls

Man in mud photo Mud, glorious mud. It’s an acquired taste those of us of a certain age tend to associate with young boys – the naughty kind – and their smelly dogs.

Last updated 10 April 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Politicians behaving nicely? It’s the purdah thing

The sky hasn’t fallen in yet. The heavens have opened a few times and Noah has put in his Easter DIY order with Homebase but, remarkably, most of us are getting along just fine.

Last updated 4 April 20159
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Unfriendly and introverted? What, us? On yer bike!

Should anybody ask, you didn’t hear this from me... don’t believe everything you read in the papers.

Last updated 27 March 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Idiotic grinning? Give me an honest scowl every time

Today, as if you didn’t already know, is International Day of Happiness – so, shoulders back, chest out, take a deep breath and grin.

Last updated 20 March 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Go on, give your mum a tonic this Sunday...and gin

Daffodils and mothers. This is the weekend when they become indivisible – with one absolutely synonymous with the other.

Last updated 13 March 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’m sorry but M&S shades it over S&M every time

He’s here again. Saint Valentine or Christian Grey or whatever his name is these days. He’s back and you can bet your last scented candle he’s bringing his usual bother with him.

Last updated 13 February 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Spectre of farming’s loss looms large in the landscape

Here’s a confession – and it’s a guilty one. I haven’t a clue how much I pay for my milk, which probably makes me a contributor to Cumbria’s deepening worries right now.

Last updated 6 February 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

We need more Jordans - of the Bernard variety that is

They don’t make men like Bernard any more. Spirited, single-minded, brave, principled men with hearts as big as battleships.

Last updated 30 January 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Goodbye jaded January and hello fabulous February!

That was that then. The year’s most miserable day has been and gone – relatively quietly, all things considered. It passed in a glowering, grunting sulk... obviously.

Last updated 23 January 2015
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

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