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Thursday, 24 July 2014

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Opinion & columns

Ditch the pink... it’s time for power-dressing pick-me-ups

This has been a good week for power-dressing women – which probably explains why I’ve had such a bad one.

Last updated 18 July 20132013
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

A whirlwind romance with long lost love in the aisles

I’ve broken my duck! For seven years, I’ve been avoiding supermarkets like a nasty viral infection – shopping local for knobbly carrots, dirty potatoes, parish pump gossip and the priceless self-congratulatory smugness a life of back to basics in a small market town brings.

Last updated 11 July 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

New bras, please! Anyone for a game of topless tennis?

If you’re watching properly, it’s a pain in the neck. Serve and return, backhand to forehand, eyes right, turn left... and then your head hurts.

Last updated 4 July 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’d hack a heavy wig to put PM on his naughty step

If I could have chosen to be anyone other than myself this week, I would have liked to have been the judge who put the Prime Minister on the naughty step.

Last updated 27 June 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Blame my lack of sporting interest on the bossa nova

In deference to matters currently obsessional, I was wondering what to do to be temporarily – well, Brazilian. No! Not that! Do keep it clean at the back of the room.

Last updated 20 June 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

A parachute jump back to days of make do and mend

A lady called Hazel told me this week that her mother’s wedding dress had been made from a parachute... which I thought was pretty cool. “Even better,” said Hazel, noticing my interest, “there was enough material left over for matching knickers!”

Last updated 6 June 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Cheapest NHS prescription - eat less, move more

Life’s full of used-to-bes. Crammed to the gunwales and depressingly likely to grow fuller with each passing year. Nothing’s more certain than a stash of backward glances.

Last updated 30 May 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

He shoots himself in the foot and scores an own goal

I don’t know much about football but I do know a bit about emails, a lot about men who behave badly, and more about women likely to belittle blokes who deserve it.

Last updated 23 May 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Time to give this pally banter in schools idea a Miss

She was tall, thin, beautifully dressed, with a look of Wallis Simpson about her and, my goodness, she was fierce.

Last updated 16 May 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Bahamas island? Blencathra? It’s too much trouble

He was perhaps a tad too excited to have remembered the detail entirely accurately – but he obviously meant well.

Last updated 9 May 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Looking forward to gardening and growing old and silly

Brace yourselves – the gardening gloves are coming out. May has arrived and with it comes the cue for getting down and dirty in beds and borders. That’s the law of fair weather horticulturists.

Last updated 2 May 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Blob! Blazer Boy! Grow up and stop acting like children

Back to school week. You’ll have noticed the change. Truculence, pent up annoyance, dark scowls and bitter complaints about getting up early, arriving home late, being told what to do... and that’s just the teachers.

Last updated 25 April 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Our princely friend helps us to realise we are special

Always good to have friends in high places. Even better to be on matey terms with the kind of chums who don’t mind stepping down in the world to drop in on our more humble abodes on occasion.

Last updated 11 April 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

All this faffing about is making me feel really hungry

Quiet please, I’m counting. Two lettuce leaves, one portion of chips, cauliflower cheese – does that qualify? – and a strawberry jam doughnut.

Last updated 4 April 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Keep your balance over clocks and inclement weather

Spring forward, fall back – that’s the way to do it. Unless, of course, you tend to fall forward after overdoing a spring fling, in which case you’re in deep trouble and won’t care what time it is anyway.

Last updated 28 March 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

This coin will bring back memories - if you’re old enough

It was a Methuselah moment. Eyes around the table glazed over in that lights-are-on-but-nobody’s-home fashion; vacancy blanked every face in the room. Then...

Last updated 21 March 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Pity the monolithic monument to tasteless 1960s

Civic Centre abseil photo It happens to every old girl eventually. Remembering how once she was pretty and shiny and fetchingly fresh-faced, she must face the truth painfully in middle age... she’s a blot on the landscape.

Last updated 14 March 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

It's true, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone

It shouldn’t be difficult to flirt again with a little more of what you used to fancy – the stuff that used to do you good. In theory, it should be a mere matter of reclamation. Lemon bon-bons, sherbet dips, stringy twigs of liquorice, a smoke on the top deck of the last bus home...

Last updated 7 March 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Why it never pays to laugh in the face of the law

Somebody I once knew has been up before the beak. He’s up for nothing much at all at the moment – he being under nighttime curfew, electronically tagged and deeply in the doghouse with his missus.

Last updated 28 February 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’m sticking at 37, where I can be blase about age

You know you’re getting old when you watch a noisy, boozy Brit Awards night on TV and wonder crossly whether an Arctic Monkey’s behaviour will be punished by his mother when he gets home.

Last updated 21 February 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

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