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Saturday, 25 October 2014

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Opinion & columns

Cake expectations... and how to avoid soggy bottoms

She’s successful, efficient, comfortable in her own lofty position and, unsurprisingly, she knows the many and various powers of cake.

Last updated 10 October 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’ll raise my bacon and eggs to great Cumbrian runners

What makes a Cumbrian run? Beats me. But if everybody had their own – as my old gran used to say – I couldn’t properly be called a Cumbrian. Not for another 40 years, anyway.

Last updated 3 October 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Marooned on the starting blocks of disturbing quandary

I used to be indecisive but now – as they say in the chic continental cafe-cultured streets of Carlisle – I don’t rightly know.

Last updated 26 September 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Pick-and-mix sexism for the 21st century fashion shopper

I’m not averse to a bit of sexism. Not a lot, obviously. No abuse or oppression, thank you. Just a smidgeon of courteous acknowledgement that I’m actually not a man and never wanted to be... get my drift?

Last updated 19 September 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Why can't I learn to say no, just once?

Hmm, well... it probably won’t be happening again in a hurry. A staycation is all very well, when the sun shines and you can do your own thing. But another one next year? Unlikely.

Last updated 12 September 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Read all about it - we bookworms are emerging again

We bookish types used to be considered a bit weird – you know, stand-offish, antisocial, slightly sinister.

Last updated 5 September 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

It's time to man-up and pull through first-day traumas

Difficult times loom for families facing the first day of school next week. Tears and tantrums, nail-biting and hand-wringing... and that’s just the dads.

Last updated 29 August 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

The battle to make towns the centre of attention

Long, long time ago when I wore socks and Jesus still wanted me for a sunbeam, I had absolute belief that nothing would change.

Last updated 22 August 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

The crutch of the matter with someone I bumped into

You may remember – or perhaps not – my having had an unfortunate encounter with a man on a bike, one early morning a couple of winters ago.

Last updated 15 August 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’m persevering with the German - Vorsprung durch Technik

The new car arrived last week. It’s German. And in the interests of entente cordiale – or whatever the German equivalent might be – we’re doing the bonding thing.

Last updated 8 August 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Remember now, before it’s too late to ask questions

My grandfather came home from the Great War a man broken by mustard gas and haunted by the recurring terrors he couldn’t forget. But at least he came home.

Last updated 1 August 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Stop getting hot under the collar and accept I’m right!

First things first. It isn’t a heatwave, it’s summer – though there’s every reason not to remember the difference.

Last updated 25 July 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Ditch the pink... it’s time for power-dressing pick-me-ups

This has been a good week for power-dressing women – which probably explains why I’ve had such a bad one.

Last updated 18 July 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

A whirlwind romance with long lost love in the aisles

I’ve broken my duck! For seven years, I’ve been avoiding supermarkets like a nasty viral infection – shopping local for knobbly carrots, dirty potatoes, parish pump gossip and the priceless self-congratulatory smugness a life of back to basics in a small market town brings.

Last updated 11 July 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

New bras, please! Anyone for a game of topless tennis?

If you’re watching properly, it’s a pain in the neck. Serve and return, backhand to forehand, eyes right, turn left... and then your head hurts.

Last updated 4 July 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

I’d hack a heavy wig to put PM on his naughty step

If I could have chosen to be anyone other than myself this week, I would have liked to have been the judge who put the Prime Minister on the naughty step.

Last updated 27 June 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Blame my lack of sporting interest on the bossa nova

In deference to matters currently obsessional, I was wondering what to do to be temporarily – well, Brazilian. No! Not that! Do keep it clean at the back of the room.

Last updated 20 June 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

A parachute jump back to days of make do and mend

A lady called Hazel told me this week that her mother’s wedding dress had been made from a parachute... which I thought was pretty cool. “Even better,” said Hazel, noticing my interest, “there was enough material left over for matching knickers!”

Last updated 5 July 1313
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Cheapest NHS prescription - eat less, move more

Life’s full of used-to-bes. Crammed to the gunwales and depressingly likely to grow fuller with each passing year. Nothing’s more certain than a stash of backward glances.

Last updated 30 May 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

He shoots himself in the foot and scores an own goal

I don’t know much about football but I do know a bit about emails, a lot about men who behave badly, and more about women likely to belittle blokes who deserve it.

Last updated 23 May 2014
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

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